You’re so beautiful, little girl.
We made these today. Bede loves rolling the little dough balls in sugar (we used red, green and white) and we have now eaten enough to be faintly ill. Oof. He got so into it though, the whole process of dough ball to sugar to sheet, and patiently waited his turn between the other kids. Good times.
Brown Sugar Sugar Cookies – Large Family Edition
5.5 cups flour
2 teaspoons baking soda
1 teaspoon baking powder
2 cups butter
2.5 cups brown sugar
Small amount of white sugar for garnish, optional
Make sure the butter is really soft. Cream the butter and the brown sugar, then add the eggs. Add the flour a cup or two at a time, and add the baking soda and powder along the way. Roll the dough in tablespoon-sized balls, then roll in sugar if you like. Place on baking sheet and bake at 350 for 10 minutes. Makes a lot, but we ate too many to get an accurate count, sorry. 80 cookies? 90?
Gilbert just slid down the stairs. In a laundry basket. And said, as he climbed dazedly out after he crashed into the wall, “I didn’t even get hurted!” I heard the CRASH and came running.
Lord, beer me strength.
Having a rough time around here these days. I don’t post much about the extremely difficult times parenting an autistic child can bring, in large part out of fear that I am invading Bede’s privacy, but I don’t want to mislead anyone into thinking that it is all roses here all the time.
In the last month Bede has had difficulty regulating his sensory needs and has been mentally and emotionally inflexible. It started with the toilet woes we experienced. I thought it would improve once it was fixed (ish) but it has gotten worse. He is having meltdowns several times a day and sensory seeking in very problematic ways. He’s biting the skin off of the soles of his feet. He’s unable to move past things without a lot of upset for all.
I’m really worn out.
Usually, he goes through a period of dysregulation and then has an enormous developmental gain. Kind of an autistic quantum leap. The last time this happened he learned to use the toilet consistently, began wearing clothes and taught himself to transliterate Arabic and Hebrew. I told a friend today that he was in safe mode, where none of the network settings are right and the resolution is all weird. But soon he’d reboot and be a whole new version of his OS! She said I was a nerd. I don’t know what will happen this time. I have a feeling it will be a good thing overall for Bede but is so hard for him right now.
When you live this life that I live you have to learn to let go of your expectations. To be pleased when something changes in a positive way and not dismayed by it remaining the same or regressing. I’d say it’s very Zen if I knew what that meant. But I don’t.
I’m still learning to let go of expectations. A while back I let go of the one that said my oldest son would do anything more than what he can do today. I try to be just fine with Bede as he is right this very minute; if he doesn’t change I’m okay with that.
That took a long time to be okay with.
Now I have to learn to let go of another expectation, ironic in light of the first: that Bede will always be the way he is today. Because the other side of that first expectation is the assumption that there will only be stasis or forward motion, no backsliding. We’re backsliding here. I knew intellectually that that’s very common in autistic children but I wasn’t ready for it.
So anyway, that’s where we are, and why I’m quiet. Trudging the road of happy destiny and loving my beautiful kids where they are, all of them.
0675. My DVD player’s remote code. Also: press DVD. Press and hold SET til light blinks twice. Then enter the code, you know, 0675. It’ll blink twice again.
Maybe I won’t lose this. Sorry to inflict it on the world.
This is a cat. She came to our porch and cried, and it was very cold, and we let her in.
Faith immediately fell deeply in love with her. Before she was here ten minutes I knew she would be here for the rest of her life. She lets Gloria lug her about and doesn’t flicker a whisker at Bede moaning and running back and forth.
Her name is Mistyfoot.
Also. I love Sean. I went and told him about the new addition, waking him from a sound sleep in the process.
“Sean, there’s a cat in our kitchen.”
“There’s a cat. In our kitchen. She’s staying.”
“Oh.” Pause. “Do I need to go to the store for anything?”
What a guy.
We baked chocolate chip cookies today with MY NEW COOKIE SCOOP WOOT and they are fan dan tastic. Gilbert helped me put them on the sheet and in true Little Red Hen fashion everyone helped eat them.
I know I keep promising pictures of mittens. I promise I’ll post some. Soon. In the meantime here is Faith holding Gloria who fell asleep in her lap with bonus Christmas tree.
It’s been pretty chilly here, 30s and 20s. We have an old house, built before such modern contrivances as insulation or central heat and air, and our systems are very much a kluge. The air conditioners are temperamental and Sean has to baby them all summer. They reward us by giving us marginally cooler air and exorbitant electric bills.
In winter we have the two furnaces to cozen along. The upstairs unit that heats our bedrooms is pretty decent and has given us little trouble, but the basement furnace is a prima donna that works when it feels like it. Our basement is a horrible place, full of cave spiders, moldy dank darkness and grues. Sean is understandably reluctant to venture there, but will if he has to.
“But Fee,” you are thinking. “Don’t you rent?”
Yes, yes we do. However the plumbing caused our landlord so damn much expense in November that we are loath to bother him. In the past we have had furnace repairmen out, they have tinkered with the contraption, gotten it to work, and left. Then three days later we have a warm spell of 40s and it doesn’t run for twelve hours… or ever again. Repeat.
We had been pretending that winter didn’t really exist but when the temperature downstairs hit 55F even Sean admitted that it was a bit cold. So this year we gave up on the basement furnace and got two little portable radiators for the downstairs. It’s just the living room that gets really cold; the kitchen cookstove heats the kitchen and dining room nicely.
Anyway, my point is, it is a toasty, reliable, 70 degrees in here now. Aaah.
We’ve had a rough day. It may be confirmation bias showing to say what I think is the reason why: food coloring. Today, for the first time is a long time, the kids had copious amounts of your friends and mine: FDC Red 40, Blue 1 and Yellows 5 and 6. And Gilbert and Bede were, ah, difficult to parent today.
So there’s that. Or they could be coming down with something. Or maybe they’re just Little Boys 5 and 6.
Ah, Gloria wants to nurse. Perhaps I’ll write more later. Project: Mittens 2009 is coming along nicely, for those playing along at home. I’ll get pictures tomorrow when the light is nicer.
Whew, long day. Visited by another plumber, Sophia and Josh and their friend Jess. Planned visit from other niece and her kids on Thursday. Fixed turkey enchiladas for dinner, kissed Sean goodbye as he ran out the door to his night class, fed the children who didn’t care for the enchiladas (pbjs). Knit on Abby’s mittens, take 2, as the mitten I completed last night does not fit an actual human (maybe the Librarian) (ook.) Teach me to knit without measuring the recipient.
Jess was just delightful. She listened to Faith and Abby talk about their drawings, played with Gilbert, and admired all the other wee Glees. We hope to see her again, soon!
Now nursing the G-Lo, and this one-handed typing is for the birds. Over and out.